21.11.10

THAT OF CAKE


here are videos of people eating cake and brief observations about cake and people who eat cake.

most videos of people eating cake are titled declaratively, and, perhaps boastfully: ME EATING CAKE.

most people employ a specific modality in their cake-eating, typically consuming the cake as quickly as possible (inhalation) with considerable lip debris.



1. CAKE AS ENNUI // IRONY // ANGST

here is
ZACHARY GERMAN eating a small yet mightily-frosted cake from a box. german seems dehydrated + is wearing a button-down from American Apparel, which makes me nervous.



***addendum: german has informed me that his shirt is from j.crew and not american apparel. i am sorry, and i assure you that this sort of error will not occur again.***


2. CAKE AS FEAT OF STRENGTH

here is an asian woman eating a large cake rather quickly. she seems to be ok with it. i remain concerned.





3. CAKE AS BADASSERY

here is a very intense video vis a vis cake + guitar riffage + disembodied hand w/ knife. the cake appears very dense and dry and not delicious at all, the lengthiness of the video implies that this is a ‘marathon cake sesh’ and that eating cake is 'metal'.





3. CAKE AS CATALYST FOR HILARITY

here is a video that seems to say drugs are fun. cake is not prominently featured.





4. CAKE AS NOT-THE-PREFERRED-FETISH-OBJECT-FOOD-OF-PORNSTARS

this video does not feature cake but made me extremely uncomfortable.





5. CAKE AS SHAME

here is a deeply disturbing silent video in which a cake is consumed without utensils and bodily excretions occur.





6. CAKE AS MORAL CODE // WRATHFUL GOD

here is a video of a child surreptitiously eating cake until he is reprimanded by god, who punishes him by removing christmas.





7. CAKE AS ENIGMA // QUIET SENSE OF FINALITY AND DOOM

here is this user's first and only video upload to youtube.




i think the meta-message derived from my cake exegesis is that people need to stop buying video cameras and that i need to start taking effexor.






4 comments:

Tyler David Sherman said...

Does the asian woman in 2. have a five o'clock shadow?

Zachary German said...

shit's j. crew kid

----- said...

I would read a lot of this, with a lot more exposition between clips.

KRISTIN said...

@tds -- possible trans. and from the items on her vanity it is apparent that she wears contacts. she brims with secrecy.

@zg my apologies for the indiscretion. AmAp carried a 'tunic collar' two-tone button-down a couple seasons ago. also you are ~ 2-3 yrs younger than i am.

@----- thank you. i will keep that in mind in future posts.