there are no good movies out and i want to go see a movie but
i will not be going to see that rango.
HEAVEN’S REWARD FALLACY: THE HUSBAND
on a recent evening i watched a 1820s british period drama starring keira knightley and decided i must find a husband at once. i think that antiquarian gestures of courtship and inflexible gender binaries all continue to be totally viable and appealing today. i want a fluffily-coiffed dandy in a waistcoat to pander to my affections and come to dine with my parents and brush my cheek with a fine lambskin glove in a folly based on the acropolis. i want him to have very moist eyes, to appear to be nearly on the verge of tears at all times; wertheresque, perhaps a certain tubercular ruddiness in the cheek to offset the pale, angular visage. people will wonder whether he is ok. he is ok, he is fine; just very much in love, maybe he is slightly consumptive, i don’t know.
if you would like to be my husband please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org explaining in 500 words or less why you feel you are qualified. if you require a dowry we can arrange something. my dad has a lot of socks you might want, i have some soft beige hand towels and also NIN’s Closure for VHS.
my mom often says that my posts at http://everythingsimultaneously.blogspot.com have identity-branded me as unstable, reckless, angry, suicidal, and exhibiting a ‘complex relationship with body image and food’. my mom claims that this identity brand may deter potential dates. well mom, i’m not looking for a date. i’m looking for someone who will spend the rest of his life being ok with the fact that i am incessantly on the verge of physical and nervous collapse, i tenuously maintain a crippling depression/anxiety/eating disorder trio, i am able to move from the bed approximatey 4 out of 7 days weekly, and from the bed i will chain-smoke, disparage your taste in music, and threaten to kill myself.
what i really want is to sit in a chair by a window and knit things for you and feel kind of sad but not too sad. i will sit and i will wait for you to return from the forest, i will broil whatever you shot.