2.4.11

THE STATCOUNTER INQUISITION



before i had statcounter i didn’t realize peoplez could easily identify who visits their site and i didn’t know that internet stalking and arriving at the blog of my limerent object via google search terms “[NAME OF LIMERENT OBJECT] EX-GIRLFRIEND 2009” could easily be seen by the limerent object if the limerent object were to have statcounter and that they could definitely discern how many hours i had spent refreshing certain pages and obsessively perusing posting history and so when i installed statcounter the first thought i had was uh-oh and also woops
this blog recieves about 300 hits per day and about 700 on days that i post which is a small amount for a small person and means that i can easily follow pageload activity and keyword searches which is important because it shows me how people arrive at my blog and what they are most interested in reading and it also shows me to some extent who everyone is
for those who don't know each one of y’all b marked with a unique IP address which pinpoints your location, time spent, entry and exit pages, the browser you were using, and your search terms i can make little label nicknames for you which is fun and some of you have very good nicknames but
i wanted to write poems for a few nebulous visitors i don't know who you are who are you
let me know what you want on your label if you want a fancy nickname or something like
"2SPOONS"

also anyone should feel free to nominate any of these poems for a pushcart prize


BAKERSFIELD IP EXHIBITING ‘COMPLEX’ ‘HUMANISTIC’ RELATIONSHIP TO MY BLOG

do i know anyone in bakersfield
no
no i do not
are you merle haggard
are you a member of the band korn
are you frank bidart

my dad told me bakersfield holds the world record for largest pile of manure but
when i asked him a second time he said no, the largest pile of manure is in king county.

according to http://www.visitbakersfield.com bakersfield is the 11th largest growing city
in the united states did you know this
that is something to be proud of i think
your bakersfield ancestors were hunter gatherers did you know this
they hunted elk and deer and antelope and bears and they herded fish
how does one herd a fish i don’t know but your ancestors did this
they did this.

bakersfield was once a marshland
now it seems to be kind of not a marshland at all
people got malaria downtown
it is probably better
now that it is kind of not a marshland at all
there are fewer tropical diseases to contend with.




do you want to come visit me
i am in san diego right now there is a room upstairs where my sister used to live
it is a big room i lived there too but then my sister stole it
you can sleep there my sister is dead now
just kidding she’s at college
do you like waffles we have some
do you want to visit me you don't even have to hang out
you can just eat the waffles


IP STALKING MY ROMANTIC INTERESTS/EX BOYFRIENDS VIA GOOGLE KEYWORD SEARCH


who the fuck are you
if you are a girl i hope you are very ugly
i'll stab your nasty face bitch


MILLS COLLEGE IP

if you are a part of the financial committee please give me my money back
i have submitted the petition three times
thank you


IPAD IP

ipad IP you make me feel like i have cornered some affluent demographic
of people who like Flat Things
and The Future


IP(s) FROM AMERICA’S HEARTLAND

arriving via search terms: semen-spurting, muppets, clean very dirty beige hand towel, sacking justin bieber penis, mermaids attacked by octopus, justin bieber stood up with waistcoat on, detailed diagram of clownfish,youtube jail house female lesbean women police officers gurds french kissing search videos

that's enough
this isn't that type of place.

otherwise thanks and i love you all. 

3 comments:

Steven Augustine said...

I clicked over, read the subject line for this post and my permanoia told me you were a BOT. I perused the site and thought: GENIUS BOT. They can program bots to generate content this interesting? After I read the Chicago Library post, Bot Theory faded. For some reason I'm still cautious about complimenting your writing... because if you *are* a BOT, what a cyber-provincial move, to compliment a BOT.

Steven Augustine said...

Wait, I 'know' you. Was your name always this? Did you always have the Kubrick marquee? I remember an art piece of yours I complimented on HTMLGIANT last year (I think we disagreed on that "asemic writing" thing; did we also disagree over the fact that I ragged on US over Nazisms and you called "pot calling kettle" because I'm in Berlin? non-derisive-laugh).

Quality still here. One point for humanityishness, 0 for Bots.

kristin hayter said...

correct HTMLG connect. i did indeed take a cheap nazi shot back in the day. my name here has not changed but the kubrick image is new as is the formatting.

you are super-kind sir. thank you for these words.

how much in life and writing would be solved were we all bots. ah. :)